So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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