I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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