So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
