I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
