Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
