I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
