my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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