So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
