What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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