So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
