I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
