I cockslap morals
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
