Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
