i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
