Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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