He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
