Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
