Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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