Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
