I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
