He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
