someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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