when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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