Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
