We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
