and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
