Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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