Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
