My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize