Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm bleeding and have questions
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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