that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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