I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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