I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I see more hoeing in ur future
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