U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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