I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
