haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
