she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
