Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
