I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
