He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You're like the curious george of whores
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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