am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
