Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
