There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
