I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
