i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
