I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
