The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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