I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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