As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
