OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
