Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
