I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
