my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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