watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it hurts more in the daytime
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Less talking, more tequila
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
