Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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