You made me cry and you don't even care
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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