i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
