zippers are such a cool invention
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
