So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
