Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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