just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
