I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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